Archive for August, 2008

I assume others, like myself, who start on Paxil will begin searching for accounts online of people’s experiences once the side effects start happening. So, here is a quick run down of my crazy experience thus far.

I stupidly started Paxil the night before I left for DC. I take the train to DC since I’m unable to fly but still require drinks here and there to get myself through the adventure. I thought since Paxil took weeks to start working the side effects also took time to occur. Oh, how wrong I was. I woke up fine the morning after taking my first pill but by 10am I was very dry mouthed and continually having to stop myself from vomitting. This was very different from my normal travel day nausea, so I knew it was not just in my head. There was a very strange feeling down my chest and my body felt funny. Luckily, when I needed to head to the train station the vomiting had mostly passed.

Now in Union Station my normal anxiety was in full swing and I felt confused from the Paxil. I felt so off I knew I shouldn’t try drinking anything to calm myself. I forced myself to eat some food and then waited for my train. While waiting in line to be able to board the train I panicked. I grew hot, unable to stand still and similar near vomiting to that morning. I knew if they didn’t start the line moving soon I wouldn’t make it on the train.

I made it to boarding and had now calmed down. Feeling a bit better I decided I needed to get a beer or I’d never make it through the train ride. I drank it slowly to gauge the effects and everything seemed fine. I had a couple more and talked to some people to keep my mind off everything.

Over the next couple days the vomiting and severe dry mouth would come and go. The over all funny feeling would stay constantly and a bad headache would appear at times. I would also become confused at times, but I had not been sleeping well, partially the trains fault and I think partially the drugs fault, so I’m not sure if thats a direct effect of Paxil or the lack of sleep or both.

Somehow, I was able to make it through my day working just fine. I had been unable to drink beer as it just didn’t feel right and one night I woke up around 2am and was extremely dizzy. I was unable to stand up. I simply went back to sleep hoping it would go away. I woke up again 2 hours later and was still dizzy but able to stand. My walking was crooked but at least I could walk. That day my legs were not “right” but I was able to walk in a straight line.

Since then the vomiting and dry mouth have slowly diminished. Last night I woke up dizzy again but it wasn’t nearly as bad. My legs feel shaky and numb and my head will ache but overall its gotten much better.

At times I’d say the side effects were almost fun, just not when it caused increased anxiety. However, it is definitely not easy and some may not enjoy it at all. I see the end result, if it works, worth the increased anxiety for now. Reading other people’s experiences about what they could do after the drug started working helped me get through it. Hopefully in a weeks time I’ll be able to write about how great Paxil is.

Almost forgot to mention one thing. I’ve been sleeping a lot more. It could be related to losing sleep while treking to DC but I think its way more than can be explained by that. Saturday night I went to bed by 10 or 11 and slept till 8. I then took a nap that day in the afternoon for a few hours and went to bed that night around 10 and slept till 8 again. I fell asleep last night around 9:30 or 10 but forced myself up at 6.

Update: I wrote this in the morning. This afternoon the side effects jumped back into full force for a short period (extreme crazy feeling in my legs and near vomiting) and I ended up napping for 2 hours again.


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Scary but I guess true, the Republicans can see the future (“Time Until Biden’s Next Gaffe”):

Though the counter is counting up… So Biden will never make another gaffe?

Note : They fixed it :(.

Maybe I should have cropped out my forgetting it was “-window root”, but whatever, screw you guys I’m lazy.

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I’ve been put on a daily SSRI class drug, Paxil, to deal with anxiety, plus Valium or Xanax for situations like flying. Maybe that could be a surprise to some of you who know me, but chances are you’ve only seen me drinking at a GLUG meeting… The question is, what will happen to my current self? Ironically, I fear mind altering drugs. And I’m barely able to keep common drugs, like Tylenol, down anymore with my anxiety. I write this to help convince myself its a good thing, leave it open to others to convince me and to inform the people I haven’t been able to tell directly (Charlie, I see you!). And maybe my drug adventure will be informative to some, but I doubt it. Oh, and this way I don’t have to explain to everyone every time someone notices I’m drinking less than everyone else at the bar. Plus, this is cheaper than therapy.

I’ve mostly got passed the feeling of not deserving help, that I have no reason to have problems and shouldn’t leave it up to some drug to fix it. Then there is the feeling that having a beer to calm me is healthier than taking these drugs. Which is true, but there is a limit. It is sad we live in a society so closed to drinking and other safe drugs; yet, it is so open to more harmful drugs. But I’ll save my rantings on rich and extremly religious people for another time.

Now, as I sit with a bottle of pills, the question is, what will happen to me? My hope is all I lose is my anxiety, allowing me to travel, both far and to the grocery store, and to finally take action on things I must do outside of my apartment and involve other people. The fear is not caring about things anymore. What if what gives me some thoughts others deem crazy are tied to what this drug will change? My only hope is that instead of hindering those thoughts the drug simply removes the barrier that has kept me less vocal and actionable about my “crazy” thoughts. Yes, I hope to be able to tell more people, more often they are stupid. The last thing I want is to not feel intense rage at the fact the political system is just a game played by arrogant pricks and no one seems to care. Maybe now I’ll be able to think that outside.

In the end, I got them anyway. After feeling uncomfortable even in my own home I knew it was time to do something. I’d rather not be found one day trying to build a device to create a portal to the 4th dimension hopings its a place I would be at ease. That just sounds nuts.

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